BEDTIME STORY

 

CAST OF CHARACTERS

(in order of appearance)

 

FIGURE/ OLD LADY -- A grandmotherly person between 60 and 90, in a dress and shawl --

concealed at first by a mummy-like wrapping of gauze bandages

 

KNIGHT -- A youthful quester, with a sword and scabbard, perhaps a helmet

 

WITCH -- A lively wise woman of any age, dressed idiosyncratically, with a broom

 

MAIDEN -- A dreamy young woman of 15 or more years, wearing something blue

 

GNOME -- A shrewd smallish person of any age, with a miner’s lamp (may carry a loupe)

 

RABBIT -- A person/animal of any age, with waistcoat and pocket watch

 

 

 

SETTING

 

This story, like all bedtime stories, takes place anytime, anywhere as needed.

 

The set requires only a bed/table, a sheet, and a box with flashing lights (red

and green). An IV stand and line add to the story, but are not essential. 

 

The moon at the end is essential, but the window bars and curtains can be omitted.

(Consult Margaret Wise Brown’s Goodnight, Moon for the look.)

 

SOUND: In blackout, we hear the end of

Jackson Browne’s Everywhere I Go over

the regular beeping of a heart monitor.

When the song ends, the beeping continues.

 

LIGHTS UP reveal a white-draped FIGURE,

lying supine on a table, upstage center,

with IV apparatus.

Three beats.

 

BLACKOUT. The beeping continues.

Two beats.

 

LIGHTS UP reveal a tunic-clad KNIGHT,

downstage right, sword drawn,

advancing warily.

 

 

KNIGHT

I hear you.

 

(hacking aside underbrush)

 

I’m coming.

I’ve been coming to you

ever since I heard your call.

When I first heard your voice --

 

 

The KNIGHT is silent for three beeps, listening.

 

 

KNIGHT (CONT’D)

 

-- I knew what I had to do.

I sold my house and my goods,

and left my family …

And I’m coming.

Hold on.

 

SPOTLIGHT UP on the shrouded FIGURE,

which the KNIGHT beholds.

 

KNIGHT (CONT’D)

 

Oh, my heart!

Is it you?  At last?

My quest fulfilled …

My grail!

My sleeping beauty!

With true love’s kiss, I --

 

 

Lifting the sheet, the KNIGHT sees

the bandaged head and recoils.

 

 

KNIGHT (CONT’D)

 

Aagh!

What horrid magic --?

I can’t --

No eyes to open,

no lips to kiss.

how can I --

Oh … oh … oh ….

 

 

As the KNIGHT collapses, we hear a mad laugh:

 

WITCH  (OFFSTAGE)

 

Ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa!!

 

 

SPOTLIGHT UP to reveal a WITCH,

leaping on at upstage right..

 

WITCH  (CONT’D)

 

What’s the matter,

a little magic too much for you?

Eh? Eh?

 

The KNIGHT looks at the WITCH,

but does not answer.

 

 

WITCH  (CONT’D)

 

Cat got your tongue?

Ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa!

You knights are all the same!

Strutting about with your swords and clubs,

bully boys when it comes to

bashing an unarmed dragon --

But put you up against

a little spell?

Ha!

Then we see what you’re made of!

Posturing little patriarchal poops!

This calls for some real power –

 

(marching over to the FIGURE)

 

Let’s see, now ...

Ick! 

Nasty smell.

A sheet? 

Or a spell of concealment?

 

(lifts the sheet, sees the bandaged face)

 

Ho-ho!

A winding and binding!

We’ll just see about that!

 

(gyrating her clawed hands)

 

Abraxas...

Anaxas...

Abra cadabra!!

 

SOUND:  A cymbal clash.

Nothing happens.

The beeping continues.

 

WITCH  (CONT’D)

 

Pedulis ...

Capulis …

Montague !!

LIGHTS flash --

SOUND: The first bars of Tchaikovsky’s

Romeo and Juliet love theme.

 

Nothing happens.

The beeping continues.

The WITCH coughs.

 

 

WITCH  (CONT’D)

 

Aaak!  Aaak!

That smell, that horrid smell …

what --?

Aaak!

It’s … not natural … wood alcohol?

I can’t --

Aaak!  Aaaak!

 

 

The WITCH collapses beside the KNIGHT,

who administers a few firm back-pats.

The WITCH’s coughing subsides.

 

SOUND:  The Romeo and Juliet theme

resumes for a few bars.

LIGHTS RISE downstage right to reveal

a MAIDEN in simple clothes.

 

 

MAIDEN

What?

 

 

SOUND: The music dies, and we hear

only the beeping.

 

 

Is that you, Bluebird?

Where are you?

Ah! There you are!

(darting a step or two upstage)

Why do you keep fleeing?

 

WITCH

A peasant girl!

What does she think she’s going to --

 

KNIGHT

Shush.

Maybe a little innocence will do the trick.

The WITCH snorts.

The MAIDEN, absorbed,

does not hear or see them.

 

 

MAIDEN

Ha!

Oh, Bluebird!

I know you’re leading me to happiness,

but I’m so tired -- what?

Alright, my silly darling,

 

(darting upstage)

if you insist, I --

 

 

The MAIDEN notices the FIGURE.

 

 

MAIDEN (CONT’D)

Oh!

Ohhh …

What --?

Oh, Bluebird!

Is this …?

My prince?

(rushing to the FIGURE, bending over it)

My Charming?

Asleep, my love?

(lifts the sheet, sees the mummified face)

What? D-d-dead?!!

Oh, bird, bird,

you horrid, lying bird,

how could you?

I’ll not again trust you --

nevermore! Oh, oh!

 

 

The MAIDEN collapses between

the WITCH and the KNIGHT,

who each put an arm around her.

 

SOUND:  The beeping continues,

three beats.

To the first few bars of Grieg’s

In the Hall of the Mountain King.

A GNOME enters down left.

 

 

GNOME

Well, howdy-do!

What have we here?

A jolly campfire?

(seeing their dejected looks)

Or a funeral, more like.

What’s the rub, mates?

 

KNIGHT

(pointing to the FIGURE)

There’s the rub.

 

 

ALL turn to look at the FIGURE,

then turn back downstage.]

 

 

WITCH

Aye. Asleep and dreaming away,

under some sort of spell...

 

MAIDEN

Not … dead?

 

WITCH

Not yet.

 

KNIGHT

Not by half, I should think.

But under some awful magic …

 

WITCH

Some horrid, stinky magic …

 

KNIGHT

And all of us called here …

 

 

MAIDEN

Led here.

Stupid bird!

 

GNOME

Let’s see about this.

 

 

The GNOME strides upstage to the FIGURE.

 

 

KNIGHT

 

Perhaps I could kiss… Ugh!

No, we can’t …

 

MAIDEN

 But we don’t know …

 

GNOME

(shouting to them)

Here, then!

(looking at the IV apparatus and monitor)

What we’ve got,

right enough,

is a lot of metal here.

I know metal when I see it!

 

MAIDEN

Oh.

 

KNIGHT

(reaching for the sword)

Perhaps I can test this mettle

with my trusty sword …

 

GNOME

And we’ve got gemstones!

A couple of rubies, an emerald --

 

MAIDEN

Oooh! Rubies!

 

GNOME

Their color’s winking on and off!

Never seen the like of that before ...

 

KNIGHT

A treasure…

Where there’s a treasure,

there’s like to be a dragon!!

 

GNOME

No, not a treasure.

Not enough of it.

 

KNIGHT

(slumping)

No dragon either, eh?.

 

MAIDEN

(still fascinated)

But emeralds!

 

GNOME

Just a gem here and there.

And I don’t like that winking business …

 

KNIGHT

(hopeful)

Dragon’s eyes, blinking?

 

GNOME

No, they’re stuck in the metal.

The way you’d find ‘em in the rockbed,

if this was a mine.

 

MAIDEN

Yours? Why, you conniving dwarf --

 

GNOME

No, mam.

I’m a gnome.

 

 

 

MAIDEN

Gnome, dwarf, hobbit,

whatever you are,

you’re not getting those gems --

 

GNOME

I’m not wanting them.

But I’d sure like to know what they’re doin’ there.

 

KNIGHT

They’re part of the magic.

 

WITCH

No doubt.

 

MAIDEN

But what do we do?

How do we know what to do?

 

 

As she speaks, a RABBIT in a waistcoat enters

down left and scurries toward right center,

looking at a pocket watch.

 

 

RABBIT

Late! Oh my, I’m going to be late!

 

MAIDEN

A rabbit!

(leaping to her feet)

Mr. Rabbit! Mr. Rabbit!

 

Before the RABBIT can reach the wings,

the MAIDEN executes a successful tackle.

BOTH fall in a heap.

 

 

RABBIT

(struggling to rise)

Oh dear, oh dear!

I shall be so late -- and the Queen --

 

MAIDEN

(getting to her knees,

restraining the RABBIT)

Bugger the Queen!

 

RABBIT

(shocked)

Ohhh!

 

 

The RABBIT faints.

The WITCH, GNOME and KNIGHT gasp.

 

 

MAIDEN

I need you more than she does.

Come on now, wake up!

We need you.

 

WITCH, GNOME and KNIGHT

(in ragged unison)

We do?

 

MAIDEN

We do!

 

The WITCH, GNOME and KNIGHT stare,

uncomprehending.

 

MAIDEN (CONT’D)

Luck!

When bravery, and magic, and true love,

and scientific wits aren’t enough, we need --

(yanking the RABBIT’s leg aloft)

luck!

 

RABBIT

Ouch!!

 

WITCH

But we needn’t remove it!

We’ll have no be-footings here today!

 

KNIGHT

But I could, you know …

 

 

The WITCH helps the RABBIT stand.

 

 

WITCH

If you’ll just accompany us, mon ami …

 

RABBIT

But the Qu --

(The MAIDEN glares, and he stifles the word)

I’ll be late!

So terribly late!

 

MAIDEN

I think not.

Help me get this fellow over there …

 

 

The MAIDEN, the KNIGHT, and the WITCH

drag the RABBIT toward the FIGURE.

 

 

RABBIT

But it’s already half-past ...

 

MAIDEN

(firmly)

No worries.

I know what to do.

 

KNIGHT

You do?

 

WITCH

You?

A mere girl?

When my strongest spells don’t --?  

 

MAIDEN

I know. Trust me

 

The GROUP nears the FIGURE.

 

 

KNIGHT

What are we going to do?

 

MAIDEN

Stop time.

 

GNOME

Stop time?

That’s impossible.

 

MAIDEN

It may be.

But I had a friend who taught me

that you can believe as many as

six impossible things before breakfast.

(to the RABBIT)

And now, if you please, your watch.

 

 

The RABBIT gives the watch to the MAIDEN,

who holds it aloft and pushes

the minute hand backward, first one hour --

SOUND: A grinding of gears.

 

 

RABBIT

No! You can’t --

 

-- then two.

SOUND: More grinding.

 

 

MAIDEN

But I can. And I have.

(returning the watch to the RABBIT)

And now, let us all join hands …

 

 

ALL join hands.

 

 

… and chant the Great Spell of Spells!

 

 

The WITCH, GNOME, and KNIGHT gasp.

SOUND:  A low humming begins,

growing steadily louder.

 

 

WITCH

Not the Great --

 

MAIDEN

Yes, that one.

 

WITCH

But we’re only characters!

We can’t --

 

MAIDEN

We can, and we shall.

On my count, everyone.

One … Two … Three …

 

ALL

(in unison)

PLOT CHANGE!!!

 

 

SOUND:  We hear a brief, crashing theme

(such as in Strauss’ Zarathustra).

The beeping dies.

The sheet is whisked off the FIGURE, who sits up

and yanks off the bandages, revealing an OLD LADY in a lace cap.

 

 

RABBIT

I know you! You’re the Old Lady, whispering --

 

 

 

OLD LADY

(interrupting, fingers to lips)

Hush!

 

 

On the back wall, a white MOON appears

between  red-and-green striped curtains.

SOUND: Brahms' Lullabye. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS

(in order of appearance)

 

FIGURE/ OLD LADY -- A grandmotherly person between 60 and 90, in a dress and shawl --

concealed at first by a mummy-like wrapping of gauze bandages

 

KNIGHT -- A youthful quester, with a sword and scabbard, perhaps a helmet

 

WITCH -- A lively wise woman of any age, dressed idiosyncratically, with a broom

 

MAIDEN -- A dreamy young woman of 15 or more years, wearing something blue

 

GNOME -- A shrewd smallish person of any age, with a miner’s lamp (may carry a loupe)

 

RABBIT -- A person/animal of any age, with waistcoat and pocket watch

 

 

 

SETTING

 

This story, like all bedtime stories, takes place anytime, anywhere as needed.

 

The set requires only a bed/table, a sheet, and a box with flashing lights (red

and green). An IV stand and line add to the story, but are not essential. 

 

The moon at the end is essential, but the window bars and curtains can be omitted.

(Consult Margaret Wise Brown’s Goodnight, Moon for the look.)

 

SOUND: In blackout, we hear the end of

Jackson Browne’s Everywhere I Go over

the regular beeping of a heart monitor.

When the song ends, the beeping continues.

 

LIGHTS UP reveal a white-draped FIGURE,

lying supine on a table, upstage center,

with IV apparatus.

Three beats.

 

BLACKOUT. The beeping continues.

Two beats.

 

LIGHTS UP reveal a tunic-clad KNIGHT,

downstage right, sword drawn,

advancing warily.

 

 

KNIGHT

I hear you.

 

(hacking aside underbrush)

 

I’m coming.

I’ve been coming to you

ever since I heard your call.

When I first heard your voice --

 

 

The KNIGHT is silent for three beeps, listening.

 

 

KNIGHT (CONT’D)

 

-- I knew what I had to do.

I sold my house and my goods,

and left my family …

And I’m coming.

Hold on.

 

SPOTLIGHT UP on the shrouded FIGURE,

which the KNIGHT beholds.

 

KNIGHT (CONT’D)

 

Oh, my heart!

Is it you?  At last?

My quest fulfilled …

My grail!

My sleeping beauty!

With true love’s kiss, I --

 

 

Lifting the sheet, the KNIGHT sees

the bandaged head and recoils.

 

 

KNIGHT (CONT’D)

 

Aagh!

What horrid magic --?

I can’t --

No eyes to open,

no lips to kiss.

how can I --

Oh … oh … oh ….

 

 

As the KNIGHT collapses, we hear a mad laugh:

 

WITCH  (OFFSTAGE)

 

Ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa!!

 

 

SPOTLIGHT UP to reveal a WITCH,

leaping on at upstage right..

 

WITCH  (CONT’D)

 

What’s the matter,

a little magic too much for you?

Eh? Eh?

 

The KNIGHT looks at the WITCH,

but does not answer.

 

 

WITCH  (CONT’D)

 

Cat got your tongue?

Ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa!

You knights are all the same!

Strutting about with your swords and clubs,

bully boys when it comes to

bashing an unarmed dragon --

But put you up against

a little spell?

Ha!

Then we see what you’re made of!

Posturing little patriarchal poops!

This calls for some real power –

 

(marching over to the FIGURE)

 

Let’s see, now ...

Ick! 

Nasty smell.

A sheet? 

Or a spell of concealment?

 

(lifts the sheet, sees the bandaged face)

 

Ho-ho!

A winding and binding!

We’ll just see about that!

 

(gyrating her clawed hands)

 

Abraxas...

Anaxas...

Abra cadabra!!

 

SOUND:  A cymbal clash.

Nothing happens.

The beeping continues.

 

WITCH  (CONT’D)

 

Pedulis ...

Capulis …

Montague !!

LIGHTS flash --

SOUND: The first bars of Tchaikovsky’s

Romeo and Juliet love theme.

 

Nothing happens.

The beeping continues.

The WITCH coughs.

 

 

WITCH  (CONT’D)

 

Aaak!  Aaak!

That smell, that horrid smell …

what --?

Aaak!

It’s … not natural … wood alcohol?

I can’t --

Aaak!  Aaaak!

 

 

The WITCH collapses beside the KNIGHT,

who administers a few firm back-pats.

The WITCH’s coughing subsides.

 

SOUND:  The Romeo and Juliet theme

resumes for a few bars.

LIGHTS RISE downstage right to reveal

a MAIDEN in simple clothes.

 

 

MAIDEN

What?

 

 

SOUND: The music dies, and we hear

only the beeping.

 

 

Is that you, Bluebird?

Where are you?

Ah! There you are!

(darting a step or two upstage)

Why do you keep fleeing?

 

WITCH

A peasant girl!

What does she think she’s going to --

 

KNIGHT

Shush.

Maybe a little innocence will do the trick.

The WITCH snorts.

The MAIDEN, absorbed,

does not hear or see them.

 

 

MAIDEN

Ha!

Oh, Bluebird!

I know you’re leading me to happiness,

but I’m so tired -- what?

Alright, my silly darling,

 

(darting upstage)

if you insist, I --

 

 

The MAIDEN notices the FIGURE.

 

 

MAIDEN (CONT’D)

Oh!

Ohhh …

What --?

Oh, Bluebird!

Is this …?

My prince?

(rushing to the FIGURE, bending over it)

My Charming?

Asleep, my love?

(lifts the sheet, sees the mummified face)

What? D-d-dead?!!

Oh, bird, bird,

you horrid, lying bird,

how could you?

I’ll not again trust you --

nevermore! Oh, oh!

 

 

The MAIDEN collapses between

the WITCH and the KNIGHT,

who each put an arm around her.

 

SOUND:  The beeping continues,

three beats.

To the first few bars of Grieg’s

In the Hall of the Mountain King.

A GNOME enters down left.

 

 

GNOME

Well, howdy-do!

What have we here?

A jolly campfire?

(seeing their dejected looks)

Or a funeral, more like.

What’s the rub, mates?

 

KNIGHT

(pointing to the FIGURE)

There’s the rub.

 

 

ALL turn to look at the FIGURE,

then turn back downstage.]

 

 

WITCH

Aye. Asleep and dreaming away,

under some sort of spell...

 

MAIDEN

Not … dead?

 

WITCH

Not yet.

 

KNIGHT

Not by half, I should think.

But under some awful magic …

 

WITCH

Some horrid, stinky magic …

 

KNIGHT

And all of us called here …

 

 

MAIDEN

Led here.

Stupid bird!

 

GNOME

Let’s see about this.

 

 

The GNOME strides upstage to the FIGURE.

 

 

KNIGHT

 

Perhaps I could kiss… Ugh!

No, we can’t …

 

MAIDEN

 But we don’t know …

 

GNOME

(shouting to them)

Here, then!

(looking at the IV apparatus and monitor)

What we’ve got,

right enough,

is a lot of metal here.

I know metal when I see it!

 

MAIDEN

Oh.

 

KNIGHT

(reaching for the sword)

Perhaps I can test this mettle

with my trusty sword …

 

GNOME

And we’ve got gemstones!

A couple of rubies, an emerald --

 

MAIDEN

Oooh! Rubies!

 

GNOME

Their color’s winking on and off!

Never seen the like of that before ...

 

KNIGHT

A treasure…

Where there’s a treasure,

there’s like to be a dragon!!

 

GNOME

No, not a treasure.

Not enough of it.

 

KNIGHT

(slumping)

No dragon either, eh?.

 

MAIDEN

(still fascinated)

But emeralds!

 

GNOME

Just a gem here and there.

And I don’t like that winking business …

 

KNIGHT

(hopeful)

Dragon’s eyes, blinking?

 

GNOME

No, they’re stuck in the metal.

The way you’d find ‘em in the rockbed,

if this was a mine.

 

MAIDEN

Yours? Why, you conniving dwarf --

 

GNOME

No, mam.

I’m a gnome.

 

 

 

MAIDEN

Gnome, dwarf, hobbit,

whatever you are,

you’re not getting those gems --

 

GNOME

I’m not wanting them.

But I’d sure like to know what they’re doin’ there.

 

KNIGHT

They’re part of the magic.

 

WITCH

No doubt.

 

MAIDEN

But what do we do?

How do we know what to do?

 

 

As she speaks, a RABBIT in a waistcoat enters

down left and scurries toward right center,

looking at a pocket watch.

 

 

RABBIT

Late! Oh my, I’m going to be late!

 

MAIDEN

A rabbit!

(leaping to her feet)

Mr. Rabbit! Mr. Rabbit!

 

Before the RABBIT can reach the wings,

the MAIDEN executes a successful tackle.

BOTH fall in a heap.

 

 

RABBIT

(struggling to rise)

Oh dear, oh dear!

I shall be so late -- and the Queen --

 

MAIDEN

(getting to her knees,

restraining the RABBIT)

Bugger the Queen!

 

RABBIT

(shocked)

Ohhh!

 

 

The RABBIT faints.

The WITCH, GNOME and KNIGHT gasp.

 

 

MAIDEN

I need you more than she does.

Come on now, wake up!

We need you.

 

WITCH, GNOME and KNIGHT

(in ragged unison)

We do?

 

MAIDEN

We do!

 

The WITCH, GNOME and KNIGHT stare,

uncomprehending.

 

MAIDEN (CONT’D)

Luck!

When bravery, and magic, and true love,

and scientific wits aren’t enough, we need --

(yanking the RABBIT’s leg aloft)

luck!

 

RABBIT

Ouch!!

 

WITCH

But we needn’t remove it!

We’ll have no be-footings here today!

 

KNIGHT

But I could, you know …

 

 

The WITCH helps the RABBIT stand.

 

 

WITCH

If you’ll just accompany us, mon ami …

 

RABBIT

But the Qu --

(The MAIDEN glares, and he stifles the word)

I’ll be late!

So terribly late!

 

MAIDEN

I think not.

Help me get this fellow over there …

 

 

The MAIDEN, the KNIGHT, and the WITCH

drag the RABBIT toward the FIGURE.

 

 

RABBIT

But it’s already half-past ...

 

MAIDEN

(firmly)

No worries.

I know what to do.

 

KNIGHT

You do?

 

WITCH

You?

A mere girl?

When my strongest spells don’t --?  

 

MAIDEN

I know. Trust me

 

The GROUP nears the FIGURE.

 

 

KNIGHT

What are we going to do?

 

MAIDEN

Stop time.

 

GNOME

Stop time?

That’s impossible.

 

MAIDEN

It may be.

But I had a friend who taught me

that you can believe as many as

six impossible things before breakfast.

(to the RABBIT)

And now, if you please, your watch.

 

 

The RABBIT gives the watch to the MAIDEN,

who holds it aloft and pushes

the minute hand backward, first one hour --

SOUND: A grinding of gears.

 

 

RABBIT

No! You can’t --

 

-- then two.

SOUND: More grinding.

 

 

MAIDEN

But I can. And I have.

(returning the watch to the RABBIT)

And now, let us all join hands …

 

 

ALL join hands.

 

 

… and chant the Great Spell of Spells!

 

 

The WITCH, GNOME, and KNIGHT gasp.

SOUND:  A low humming begins,

growing steadily louder.

 

 

WITCH

Not the Great --

 

MAIDEN

Yes, that one.

 

WITCH

But we’re only characters!

We can’t --

 

MAIDEN

We can, and we shall.

On my count, everyone.

One … Two … Three …

 

ALL

(in unison)

PLOT CHANGE!!!

 

 

SOUND:  We hear a brief, crashing theme

(such as in Strauss’ Zarathustra).

The beeping dies.

The sheet is whisked off the FIGURE, who sits up

and yanks off the bandages, revealing an OLD LADY in a lace cap.

 

 

RABBIT

I know you! You’re the Old Lady, whispering --

 

 

 

OLD LADY

(interrupting, fingers to lips)

Hush!

 

 

On the back wall, a white MOON appears

between  red-and-green striped curtains.

SOUND: Brahms' Lullabye.

 

 

KNIGHT, GNOME and RABBIT

Goodnight, moon!

 

MAIDEN, WITCH and OLD LADY

Goodnight, air.

 

ALL

Goodnight, children everywhere.

 

 

 

                   --END OF PLAY--